Decisions decisions

Soo...another round of weight loss competition starts tomorrow, and I'm on the fence about whether to join or not.  I decided initially that I wouldn't do it, because I was driving myself batshit crazy over the fact that the scale just wasn't moving as much as I had wanted it to each week, even when I had huge numbers, it just never felt like it was enough in that last round.  But enter this past weekend, where there was no competition to keep me in check, and I let all hell break lose.  I think I might need more motivation to keep my inner fat girl at bay for now, so I'm considering entering this next round now.  I know my body doesn't drop huge numbers week after week, but maybe it will be the push I need to keep myself from gaining back 20 pounds this next month (believe me, I could easily do that).  Last night was a perfect example..I worked late, went home exhausted and it was pitch black out.  I had no desire to cook, and my husband asked if we could order Chinese food (his treat).  So my plan for grilled chicken and Turbo Fire went right out the window.  I did get up early and do TF this morning instead, but I think I need that extra something to keep me from giving up at the end of a long day.  I'll let you know what I decide tomorrow, but for now, I'm thinking still.  What would you do if you were me??

Holiday weekend recap

Whelp its Monday already.  Let’s start with Thanksgiving.  First, the road race. 

Can I just tell you how insane it is to run in a race with that many people!?! I mean, literally, thousands of people, everywhere, some in costume, some in almost no clothes even though it was in the 30s outside. 

They have you line up by time, and there’s a sign at the side of the road for every 5 minute interval (20 minutes or less, 20-25 minutes, 25-30 minutes, 30-35 min, 35-40 min, and 40 min or more).  I positioned myself at the point where I felt the “50 minutes or more” sign would have been (had there been one) because I wasn’t about to fight these serious runners to keep up (we were packed in, elbow to elbow, no room for slow runners here!).  This is the view BEHIND me!!

 

I lined up by about 9:15am, but the race didn’t start until 10, so there was a lot of waiting around to do. 

 

When the race did finally start, it took me just under 5 minutes just to reach the START line! Here's the view in front of me, the banner strung across the street is the official start line:

 

 And as soon as I hit that, I was off running.  I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t fun that first mile.  There were so many people darting and weaving in front of me, I thought I was going to trip and fall or get trampled to death.  I was so concentrated on not tripping when people darted in front of me, that the first ½ mile went pretty quick.  And then…we hit our first bottleneck. I was literally jogging in place, not moving forward at all! So many people, I’ve never done a race like this! The jogging in place thing happened a few times throughout the course, but at about ¾ of a mile in, the hill started.  This was a big motha effin’ hill people.  It kept going.  And it was steep, but gradual.  And every time you thought you were at the top, you turned the corner and there was more.  All uphill until about mile 2.5.  Thankfully there was a giant downhill right after that, but there was a few points where I didn’t think I would make it!  All in all it was a lot of fun.  I ran the whole thing without walking, and I didn’t care too much about my time considering the fact that I wasn’t moving forward a few times throughout the race and that I was too concerned with not breaking my ankle by tripping from all the a-holes cutting me off, that I just figured my time would be the least of my concerns. I finished in just under an hour, and considering all of the obstacles I faced, I was pretty proud of that time!

My offical race time was: 57:49

Pace: 12:11

Ovearll Ranking: 10598 

Ranking in Female division for my age group: 901/1215

 

Side note, the woman who won (for the woman’s division) this race was named Delilah something or other, and she was actually the inspiration behind the plain white T’s song “Hey there Delilah” (she’s from Chicago).  Random, but cool, right?

Anywho, back to the rest of the weekend.  Thanksgiving went as expected, I stuffed my face with everything in sight! Unfortunately for me, running 5 miles does not mean I can eat whatever I want, for however long I want….I basically went on a fat girl binge all weekend between leftovers Friday, greasy spoon breakfast and hot dogs and beer on Saturday night, and Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes yesterday.  I was so awful this weekend, the scale almost made me cry this morning.  I can’t believe how much I’ve un-done in 4 days’ time.  I didn’t even exercise at all the rest of the weekend after that race.  This is the dangerous point in my journey.  I’ve done this so many times…get to a weight where I feel relatively comfortable, stuff my face like I’m not on a “diet” anymore, and start gaining it all back.  I can’t do that this time! I got up and did some interval running on the treadmill before work today.  I packed healthy food for today, and I’m having grilled chicken for dinner tonight.  I’m going to start up Turbofire again tonight too.  I will not let this setback derail me this time.  I will keep going, I have to!

How did your weekend go? What are your plans to get back on track?

What's Important

Remember how I posted last week about my sore right achilles tendon? Well it's still a little sore (not crazy sore, but a tiny bit).  Worse yet, I went to bootcamp on Saturday morning while it was still sore, and must have unknowingly started favoring my left side because of the injury. My left ankle is now REALLY sore; I'm talking I can't flex my foot down or do circles with my left foot.  I went for a run yesterday hoping to loosen it up a bit, but this morning it still hurt a whole lot.  I decided to skip my run today.  If I feel better tonight, I may do some turbo fire, but I'm not going to push myself. The scale still shows me up a ridiculous amount of weight this morning from my fat girl Sunday binge, and even though tomorrow's weigh-in is important to me, running this race on Thanksgiving is more important to me.  And if it means tomorrow I still show a gain because I didn't exercise today, than so be it.  What's important is that I am strong enough and healthy enough to run this race.  The number on the scale is just that, a number, and I'll get past it. 

Confessions of a Fat Girl....She's still in there

She’s still in there.  She’s been deprived, and she wants out like nobody’s business.  And boy did she come out yesterday.  Yup, I had a total fat girl day…I’m talking breakfast with bacon, eggs and homefries, and dinner that may or may not have involved almost an entire medium pizza from Dominos with bacon and pineapple.  Jeez.  She has no self-control. 

 So let’s focus on the positive here shall we?  Old me would have laid on the couch all day yesterday and wallowed in the fact that I’m never going to NOT be fat.  New me went for a 5 mile walk with my husband, even though it was like 30 degrees outside.  Old me would have thrown my hands up in the air and said, well eff it, I blew my diet today, might as well stop trying until after Thanksgiving is out of the way (and the after Thanksgiving festivities) so I can start fresh next week.  New me got up and ran for 30 minutes this morning before work, packed a healthy lunch and snacks for the day, and is planning on eating grilled chicken for dinner.  That fat girl is still in there.  And she’s fighting until her last dying breath.  But I will defeat her.  I will keep going, because these changes I’m making are not a diet, they are not short term, they are not “until I get skinny”.  They are forever.  And she will go away completely one day.  But for now, I have to deal with her, then GTFOI and move on.

On a happier note, today marked the end of my fitness competition at work.  It ended in a 3 way tie (including me!), but that’s still $50 for me to spend on something nice for myself (I did just treat myself to almost that exact amount at Old Navy last week though so I might call it a wash!)

 How was your weekend!? Hope you did better than me!

I did it

Boom!

5 motha effin' miles baby!  I did it! And I feel awesome! Well, I feel sore, but I feel really awesome anyways! I'm a teeny tiny bit concerned right now because around mile 3.5 my right heel/achilies tendon started to get sore.  Scratch that, it started to hurt.  Like shooting pains hurt.  But I was so close to my 5 mile goal I didn't want to stop, so I just kept going.  And now that it's a few hours after my run, it still hurts, just sitting here.  That scares me a bit.  I'm going to look up some stretches today to see if that helps, so here's hoping I didn't just ruin my chances of running the Manchester Road Race on Thanksgiving!

I am headed up to Boston tomorrow night for my younger sister's housewarming party.  I'll probably drink too much, eat like crap, and have a great time.  And I'm not going to stress about it.  Life can't be put on hold while I get healthy, it's a process that happens at the same time, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but I'm going to plan my days accordingly to keep the rest of my weekend in check. 

What's going on this weekend for you? Hope you have some fun stuff planned!

New day, new attitude

So I obviously had a pity party yesterday, and got frustrated with myself (and my scale) for not losing as much as I’d hoped to this week.  But I got home last night and 2 things happened that made me seriously stop and reflect a bit, so I think they’re worth sharing.  Both of these things are tied to me getting home from work and grabbing the mail (don’t you just love getting fun stuff in the mail!?!)

First, I got my bib/official registration for the Manchester Road Race. 

 

And it got me thinking.  I’ve been talking about doing this race for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never done anything about it.  I used to think that running a 3.1 mile race was near impossible, and if I could do that without walking that would be a huge accomplishment.  Last weekend I ran my 3^rd official 5k in the fastest time I’ve ever run, and a few days before that, I actually ran over 4 miles without walking, for the first time in my life.   Tomorrow, I will set out to run 5 miles for the first time ever, and even though I’m a little scared, I know that I’ve come so far already and I’m so very proud of myself for getting to this point.  The Manchester Road race is just under 5 miles, and I am so excited to be able to run in it this year.  And you know what? I did that.  I made myself get up at 6am every day before race to run the couch to 5k program.  I made myself run in 30 degree weather so I could keep up with my training schedule.  I ran when I wanted to stop.  I ran when I would have rather been in my warm, cozy bed.  I even ran in the rain a few times.  I never in my life thought I’d be able to say it before, but now, I feel like screaming, Damnit, I’m a runner! I may not be the fastest, I may not have the best form, but I don’t care.  I can run.  And I will run.  And I am going to have such an effing awesome time at this race next week that I’m so excited to finally be a part of.

Second, my shipment from Old Navy arrived yesterday (that had my size 12 skinny jeans that I posted about last week).  Well when I placed my online order, I was super close to the $50 mark to get free shipping, so I decided to treat myself to one more item.  I really need new work pants, specifically black pants, because my old ones (size 16) are literally falling off me and I can’t wear them anymore.  I know I tried on the size 12 skinnies and they fit….but they have stretch in them that makes them more forgiving than most pants.  But I refused to buy another 14 knowing that I’m on the cusp of being in a smaller size…. So I took a gamble, and I bought size 12 trouser pants.  Well, I tried them on, and they fit great!

 

That means I’m “officially” a size 12!! I don’t feel like I’m faking it anymore, it’s real this time, and considering I started the year in a size 18, this is a huge deal for me.  My hips/thighs are the last place I lose weight, so it takes me a really really long time to go down a size.  I’m really proud of this moment, and I realized at that point that I am so much more than a number on a scale.

I’ve been a part of this online weight loss competition that has gotten me obsessing over my scale and why my numbers are not as good as the others in the competition, when I feel like I’m really busting my butt to get the results that I’m getting.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and racing to the finish line is just going to burn me out before I finish.  That’s my M.O., what I’ve done a million times.  Diet hardcore for a month, lose 10 lbs, get sick of it, binge on everything in sight, gain back 20 lbs.  I will not do that this time.  This is a lifestyle, not a diet.  I am not perfect, and I may not lose weight every single week, but I’ve made real, tangible progress here and I can’t ignore that.  I may get frustrated, I may have my moments, but in the end, I’m a smaller, fitter person now than I was at this time last year.  Hell, I’m a smaller fitter person than I was at this time last month!

I took a rest day from exercise today.  I’ve worked out the past 4 weeks in a row without a single day off and I realized that that kind of schedule is just not sustainable, and that my body needs a break every once in a while.  I am in this for the long haul.  I am changing my life, not just on the outside, but on the inside too, and that kind of journey doesn’t happen overnight.

I will Just. Keep. Going.

Monday again?

These weekends go by too damn fast.  It's Monday already, and I'm feeling exhausted and sore today.  I really pushed myself this past weekend now that I have my fitbit up and running (I got it on Wednesday night, so addicting!).  I've made it a goal to hit at least 10k steps each day, and so far I've managed to do that, plus some.  Friday I ran in the morning and got in a 3 mile walk after dinner.  Saturday I went to bootcamp and cleaned my house like a mad woman, and Sunday I walked about 7500 steps at the diner before coming home and doing 3.1 miles outside.  Phew.  I'm exhuasted just writing that, no wonder I'm tired today! 

I've been doing well with my eating too; went out to dinner on Friday night but I ordered a salad with grilled chicken, didn't eat the bread that came with it, and stayed well within my calories for the day.  Ate home for every other meal this week, and haven't had a lick of alcohol (PS I could REALLY use a glass of wine right now! Oh, it's only 9am? Well it's noon somewhere, right!?)  The scale isn't moving, but it's my TOM right now, so I'm hoping that goes away by Wednesday and takes a few pounds with it!

And just for ha has, here's my Monday outfit (corporate power suit on today, going to a ribbon cutting ceremony for the Oncology Suite I designed). 

Happy Monday!

I had a thought...

I had a thought while running on the treadmill today....

That is all.