Keep calm and Holiday Party on

These past few weeks have been insanely busy for me, and I've been traveling for work quite a bit - day trips, but they require me to be out of the house by 5:30am, so workouts didn't happen those days.

I told you in my last post I was aiming for three workouts that week - which I had all intentions of doing, and then my poor baby girl came down with Hand, Foot, and Mouth, and all plans went out the window.   I got in two workouts the week of Thanksgiving, the end of that week and beginning of the following week were miserable at my house since no one was sleeping very well while she got over the worst of the virus. The rash is still hanging on now, 10 or so days later, but her personality is back to normal so at least there's that!

I managed to get two workouts in last week too, so I'm ready to commit to another attempt at three days this week, and I've already got one day under my belt from my workout this morning so I'm off to a good start. 

I'm easing my way back into calorie counting again, since we all know weight loss is 80% diet, and mine hasn't been so stellar. I haven't eliminated anything yet, but I'm hoping to keep making small progress each week and build back up to more of a 21 day fix style, probably after the holidays. This month will just keep getting crazier with holiday parties on my schedule the rest of the month (2 or more a week!) so I'll do my best to keep track of my diet, but I'm not going to freak out about it...I've got far more important things to stress about! 

One day at a time

Here I am, rolling into my second week of making a better effort to focus on my health again. I've had to ease myself back into things, which means I'm not making any noticeable progress other than trying to rebuild those old (healthy) habits, like getting up early for a workout. 

Two weeks ago I got in only one morning workout. Last week I got in two. This week I'm going to aim for three. If this had been two years ago, I would have been ashamed to write that schedule to you....now I'm just happy to be doing anything at all. 

This week I'm also going to make a better effort with food, which seems to be my biggest downfall lately. Nothing crazy or any specific diet, just an effort to eat better more days than not, and eventually I'll build back up to a stricter eating plan. 

One day at a time...and when the good days start to outnumber the bad, that's when the good stuff will start to happen

Square one

I feel pretty defeated. I'm literally back at square one, back to the beginning of my journey and now I have to do it all over again. I did everything I swore I would never do. I stopped making time for myself. I chose sleep over early morning workouts. I chose convenience over healthy foods. I chose to emotionally eat. Out of stress. Out of bordem. Out of anger. Frustration. Sadness. Happiness. Sleep deprivation. Anxiety.   Being a new mom is so many emotions wrapped into one messy, messy ball, and I'm pretty sure I ate my way through all of them. 

I wish I could tell you that I broke through the stereotype. That I stayed on track throughout the most stressful months of my child's first year of life. But that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is I gave up. I stopped posting here because I was embarrassed how far off track I got.

I've started over what feels like a million times now and I'm sick of it. So as they say, if you're tired of starting over, STOP GIVING UP!  It's about time, right?

Trying something new

I never seem to find the time to write anymore...thinking about keeping you updated via periscope...whatcha think??

https://www.periscope.tv/w/aJp3njEwOTU2NDIwfDU5MTczODI5vCrVIgW9qX5uYhNsVQmBGHQl2ZVpthfvCsoJBXzn0Wg=

Where to find the time....

Where to find the time....I'm actually writing this post using the voice to text option on my phone while I feed my daughter.... multitasking at its finest right?

I know I've said this before, but man is motherhood hard! Just when I think I've got it all figured out, something else goes and changes. 

To recap, the month of May SUCKED. Big time. My entire house was sick with the nastiest cold I've ever had, and after almost 3 weeks, we finally all got antibiotics and are starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Clara didn't handle this cold well at night...literally waking up every 30-45 minutes sometimes, so you can imagine how well I've been sleeping. I've been in survival mode all month...I haven't grocery shopped or meal prepped in weeks because I honestly just haven't had the energy.

If I'm being honest with myself, I never thought I'd be here....4 (almost 5) months postpartum with still about 30 pounds of baby weight to lose. I thought I'd be able to get my act together faster, but knowing what I know now, I obviously have to adjust my expectations.

I'm going to do what I can, when I can. I'm going to work out, but I'm not going to give up completely when I oversleep after a rough night.  I'm going to make better food choices, even if they are convenience foods, there are still better choices available than some. With the 4th of July just around the corner, I think it's a good milestone date to shoot for - this also coincides with our 6 month milestone!  So...hopefully I can say at 6 months postpartum, I'm that much closer to my pre-pregnancy weight.  It might take me a year to get there, but I WILL get back to where I was, my health is important to me and my family, and I know it will make me a better mother.

I'm thinking of hosting another accountability group, starting Monday June 8th, that will run for 4 weeks so coincide with my July 4th goal - I'm happy to have you participate, the only catch is that I have to be your coach, and you have to be following any one of the beachbody programs, or even just using shakeology daily.  I could use a little (BIG) kick in the pants, and these groups always motivate me, so if you want to join me drop me an email! babewithababy@gmail.com

 

Fitting it all in

Finding time when you’re a Mommy, especially a brand new one, is tough.  It seems like every time I have a schedule figured out, the baby decides that’s not going to fly and changes things up (again).

I thought I had it figured out last week, and would just wake up super early to get my workout in before she gets up for the day.  The thing is, I’m not sure if it’s the small house or just baby’s intuition, but me getting up earlier means SHE gets up earlier.  So there’s no way for me to get up early enough to pump, workout, then nurse her if she’s waking up within 10 minutes of me getting up..and honestly it’s throwing her sleep cycle way off since she’s not getting enough sleep at night getting up an hour and a half earlier than normal! So, as much as it pains me to do it, I think I’m going to have to start working out at night, after she goes to bed.  I’m not sure how this is going to go, since workouts usually give me more energy and I’d be doing it within an hour or so of my own bedtime, but I’m hoping my body will adjust.  Last week the weather was gorgeous so we took the baby on a walk each night after dinner.  I hope to keep doing that as the weather gets nicer, but I know I need a real workout in addition to the walking too, so I’m going to try to see how it goes this week.

Every day is an adventure as a new Mom…plan as much as you’d like, but sometimes that baby has her own plan in mind!

Day 1

Today officially marks day 1 of the 21 day fix.  I’m not off to a great start.

Let’s start with last night, when my normal bedtime routine with Clara got thrown for a loop…she basically screamed uncontrollably for 2 hours, wouldn’t nurse, wouldn’t sleep, and eventually we had to give her a bottle of pumped milk to get her to eat before bed.

We finally got her down around 9:30 – an hour and a half later than normal, so all of my food prep stuff that I was planning on doing during that time frame didn't get done, and I still had to pump since she didn't breastfeed.

I didn't let that stop me though, so I prepped as fast as I could, and did some of it WHILE I was pumping (multitasking at its best, right?)

I set my alarm for 4:30am, and went to bed around 11.  Fast forward to 2:30am, and my baby is screaming her head off.  Growth spurt maybe? Who knows, but she was eating her hands fiercely so I knew she was hungry (even though she hasn't woken up for a middle of the night feeding in over a month).  By the time I fed her and got her back down, it was almost 4am…and oh did I mention, I have a nasty cold? Yeah now that Clara is in daycare she’s bringing all the germs home to me….luckily since I’m breastfeeding her she hasn’t gotten sick yet, but I’ve had no voice all weekend and a nasty cough, which means that I couldn’t fall back asleep for the life of me.  My last clock check was around 5ish…you better believe I turned off that 4:30am alarm when I put her back down in the middle of the night! I finally fell back asleep and then overslept and didn’t wake up until quarter to 7 this morning, so I was running around my house like a mad woman trying to get the baby ready, me ready, and of course my food for the day ready too! (Thank god for a helpful husband or I never would have made it!)

I didn’t get my workout in this morning.  And you know what? That’s ok.  I’m a new mom.  There will be bumps in this road.  It’s not realistic to be perfect 100% of the time, so I’m going to really focus on my nutrition today and maybe I’ll go for a walk at lunch to get close to 10k steps today.  Progress, not perfection.  I will get back to a better routine eventually, but days like this will happen, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

Here’s to a better tomorrow!

Easing back into things

I can’t believe I’m already in my second week back at work….it’s crazy the way time works once you have a baby.  So slow and so fast all at the same time! 

  I’m not sure if this will ever get “easier”, but daycare didn’t seem as traumatic this morning.  It was really nice to have 3 days with Clara at home, so I’m really happy with my decision to do a 4 day work week for now.

So, all that being said, I'm glad I gave myself another week of leeway, because waking up extra early to workout just doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards right now.  Clara can wake up anytime between 5 and 6:30, so realistically I need to get up at like 4am to get in a workout before her morning meal…and that seems pretty daunting to this tired mama! I’m going to try to work on waking up early this week to get my body used to it (no workouts just yet) so that next week it won’t be as bad.  I'm trying to get more steps in each day with my fitbit - last Friday with the day off I had (and the slightly warmer weather), I took the baby out in the stroller for a couple long walks - enough for about 17k steps that day.... I can't believe how sore I was that night from it though!

I am also going to try simple calorie counting this week as well to help ease myself back into the 21 day fix style of eating – this no dairy thing has really thrown a cramp in my style since greek yogurt and string cheese were regulars on my list, and whey protein was a big part of my daily protein intake as well, so I’m still fumbling with that a bit.  In any event, I have about 30 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, so it’s time to get focused and get those pounds off.  I know it took time to put that weight on, and it will take time to take the weight off, so I’m ok with that, but it sure would feel good to be confident on the beach this summer!

There's a lot of "I'm going to try to's" in this post.  Because I'm being realistic.  I'm not perfect, I won't figure this thing out over night, and I will have bad days. This is reality, and I"m not going to beat myself up over it.  I'm easing back into things the best I can, and no one can fault me for that!

My next “official” round of the 21 day fix starts Monday April 13^th (one week from today).  I’m hoping to get some big numbers from this first round, so I need some accountability partners; shoot me an email at babebeforebaby@gmail.com or leave a comment if you’re interested in joining me! 

Guess who's back....back again??

Ok so I think I’ve said “I’m back” like 50 gagillion times since C’s birth.  

This is my week.  This is my month.  This is my day.

Nope.  Nada.  Not happening.

I haven’t quite figured out how to take care of a baby and myself at the same time…some days it’s all I can do just to shower and get dressed (and by get dressed I mean put my yoga pants back on).

That all changed this week, as my maternity leave came to a screeching halt and I went back to work yesterday full time (insert ugly cry face here).

It is SO hard to leave her.  SO HARD.  Forget spending time to exercise right now, when I’m home, all I want to do is hold and cuddle her.

Last night was a mess, she was so tired from not having slept all day that she screamed and cried before falling asleep in my arms. Think I was about to put her down after not seeing her all day? Hell no.  My husband ordered us dinner and I held my little girl until it was time to put her down for the night. 

I know this will get easier with each day, but man does it suck.  Today was a little better than yesterday.  I’m sure tomorrow will be a little better too.  We’ll get there, but for now, this mama is so sad to be away from her little girl for so long each day! On the bright side, I’m working 4 days a week to start with, so at least my time home with her will be a little more balanced than if I was working a full 5 day work week.  I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, so I’m trying not to be so hard on myself for not being 100% with my diet and exercise right now while we settle into our new routine.  For now, I'm just giving myself some grace.

I started back on the couch to 5k program last week, and did pretty good with it, but I haven’t hit the treadmill since last Friday, and if I’m being honest it might not happen again until this Friday when I have another day off.

I’ve been struggling with my eating, but I’ve recently discovered what I think is a dairy sensitivity in Clara, so that means no more dairy for me while I’m breastfeeding.  Besides the obvious misses like ice cream and cheese, there’s diary in freaking EVERYTHING, including sliced bread.  This presents a bit of a challenge, but I think that going back to the 21 day fix and clean eating will actually help this quite a bit, so that’s my plan, but I’m giving myself another week of being back to work before I go all in.

April 13^th is my official 21 day fix start date.  Until then, I’m going to make my best effort to survive being back to work with a baby in daycare.  If I can eat healthy and exercise during this transition that’s just an added bonus.....

Post partum plan

So I'm 5 weeks post partum as of Sunday, and I think it's safe to say I'm done losing the weight that was going to come off with child birth. I lost a significant amount of weight those first two weeks out of the hospital  mainly because of my Pre Eclampsia diagnosis and the sheer amount of fluids I was retaining. My weight has leveled off by week 3 though, leading me to say it's officially my "start weight" now, and I have about 25ish pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight....not terrible, but not great either.

My post partum check-up is tomorrow, where I'm hoping I can get cleared for exercise again.  Until then, I've been trying to get a little more steps in each day, and even got going on the treadmill last week.  I ordered my copy of the newest Autumn Calabrese program, 21 day fix extreme, last week, but I'm planning on doing 1 or 2 rounds of the original 21 day fix before going extreme (I need to ease back into this thing!!).
I'm starting things off with another 5 day clean eating group next Monday (this is FREE if you want to join me!), and then Monday February 23rd will start up with my first post-baby round of the fix! I'm really looking forward to getting back into the swing of things...the babe is sleeping a little more soundly at night now so I'm feeling a little more human now that I'm getting more sleep :)  This means that I'm running out of excuses to get back at it, time to put this plan into action!

Survival Mode

So...I'm thoroughly convinced that the whole reason that you need to wait to be medically cleared before starting back exercising after a baby has nothing to do with your physical healing process and everything to do with lack of sleep!
If I'm being completely honest, I'm in survival mode right now.  I thought I'd be ready to get right back to healthy eating and exercise, but this lack of sleep thing is throwing a big wrench in my plans, and it's all I can do to throw something from the freezer into the microwave for a quick and easy dinner....forget meal planning right now! Every time I say "tomorrow I'll get back at it", I have a rough night with the baby and barely get any sleep, so I give myself another day of promises to start back tomorrow.  
The truth is, I think I'm being a little hard on myself - I have a newborn at home, and I've never done this parenting thing before.  Throw in the fact that C isn't a good eater, and we've been struggling with breastfeeding (another story for another day), and, well, frankly...I'm exhausted! I have my postpartum check-up in a few weeks, so I won't be cleared for exercise until then, but until I start getting a little more sleep I don't think I'll be doing much meal planning either.  Survival mode.  It's not the end of the world, it's a few weeks, and I know how to get back to things when it's time, so for now...well for now I'm going to take a nap :)

C's birth story

Ok this one may be a little long, but I think it's worth documenting....my story of how Clara Lena came into this world :)
The day after New Year's this year was a Friday...and since I had been saving all my time for maternity leave, I opted to work that day, even though the rest of my office (literally) had the day off.  I worked from home, and head out around 4pm to go to my 37 week checkup at my OB's office.  They did the usual when I first got there..urine, weight, blood pressure..but this time the blood pressure reading was a bit off.  She took it again to be sure, and confirmed that my blood pressure was running high (in the 140s over high 80s).  She said it wasn't scary high but it was very high for me since my BP my entire pregnancy had been running on the low side.  She asked that we finish the appointment and then take my BP again at the end.
So...I had my exam, I was actually 1cm dialated but not effaced at all; the doctor started explaining that if my blood pressure readings came back high again she might send me to the hospital to run some more tests as a precaution.  She said if it were a Monday night she might just have me go home with a 24 hour urine collection but since it was the weekend she didn't want to let it wait.  This of course made me a little nervous, and by the end of my appointment when they re-took my BP it was up in the 150s over 90s...yikes.  They told me to head straight to the hospital for testing, as they suspected I might have Pre-Eclampsia.  
I called my husband balling...I was so scared, my BP had never been that high and I wasn't sure what would happen. He got out of work right away to meet me at home, and drove me to the hospital so I didn't have to go alone...I grabbed my hospital bag to leave in the car "just in case" but fully expected that I wouldn't really need it that night.
So...we get to the hospital, and they set me up in triage.  More urine samples, bloodwork, and a few blood pressure readings.  We had only been there 20 minutes and the 3 readings they took kept getting higher...the last one they took was 179 over something, ridiculously scary high, and I knew right then I wasn't going home that night.  They waited for my bloodwork to come back to confirm, but I did in fact have Pre-Eclampsia, which apparently is pretty common in first time pregnancies and is totally out of your control, you just get it or you don't based on the way your placenta grows.   Since I was 37 weeks, I was considered full term, so the doctors told me they were going to induce, it was the safest option for me and baby.
The induction started at 10pm on Friday night, along with an IV of magnesium to keep my blood pressure regulated.  The mag left me feeling totally groggy and yucky - I was not allowed to get out of bed since the medicine makes it difficult to walk, and I had doctors checking my reflexes every half hour to make sure the mag was doing it's job (but not too well).  They gave me an ambien to help me sleep, but the mag made me nauseous and I promptly threw the medicine up :( Cue night one of no sleep.
By about 5am on Saturday morning, they decided to start Pitocin to bring on the contractions stronger.  I was dilated only about 2-3 centimeters at this point, and although I had started to efface, the baby wasn't actually in the birth canal, she was floating still...the contractions would likely move her into a better position.
After progressing very slowly all day and getting more powerful contractions, they decided to break my water at about 6pm.  I knew that was it...there was no turning back, so if she didn't come out on her own within 24 hours, they would have to go in and get her with a C-section.  They came and gave me an epidural right before breaking my water, which numbed my legs pretty effectively but did NOTHING to take the edge off the contractions, and they were pretty intense.  A few hours later, I cried to my husband that I didn't think I could do this anymore...they had the anesthesiologist come back and "top me off" to take  a little edge off the pain, but they wanted me to feel the contractions so I knew when it was time to push.  I couldn't sleep at all. and I was getting concerned that a C-section might be the only option.
Aftern another night of no sleep and constant checking, the doctor came back in around 5am Sunday morning to check on me again...and announced that I was 10cm and ready to push!? I burst into tears, I didn't think I would get there with the induction and I was so ready to meet my little girl. 
They let the contractions do their job for another hour, and at about 6am the nurse asked me if I wanted to do a "practice push".  I asked her what the hell a practice push was, and she laughed and told me it's still a real push she was just going to teach me how to do it...at the start of a contraction, breathe in deeply, hold your breath and push hard for 10 seconds, then repeat...do this 3 times per contraction.  
I'll save you the gory details, but after an hour of pushing, Clara Lena entered this world at 6:58am.  I still remember when they told me to open my eyes and look down as she was coming out of me...what an amazing image to have ingrained in my head :)
They put her on my chest right away, but it became evident pretty fast that something was wrong.  They were working on my pretty intensely, and they pulled the baby off to get cleaned.  I heard them say that the placenta wasn't coming out on it's own, so they had to go in and get it....then I heard them yell for a hemorrhage cart and say that I was losing too much blood.  It's all pretty foggy for me because I was still on the magnesium (which had to stay on for 24 hours after birth) but talking to my husband afterwards it sounded pretty scary for a while there. Luckily everything turned out ok...I did have to get iron and calcium transfusions in the hospital because my hemoglobin levels dropped too low with the blood loss, but otherwise I was ok.  My blood pressure remained pretty high for about a week or so after birth, and my swelling (which is a direct side effect of Pre E) has pretty much gone away since about 10 days post partum.  It was a terrifying and amazing experience and I specifically remember saying to the doctor...it's amazing people have more than one child! As traumatic as it all was, it was worth every minute because my little girl couldn't be more perfect, and I fall more in love with her every day :)

I'm Baack!

Well, Happy 2015!! I know I've been out of touch with this blog for quite some time now, but if you follow me on IG or FB you'll already know that my little girl made her debut a little earlier than expected!

Clara Lena was born on 1/4/15 at 6:58am, weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces, 19.5 inches long. She has beautiful eyes, mommy's nose, and dark brown hair, and I couldn't possibly be more in love.  I have so much to catch you up on, so I may have to do this over multiple parts...I'll save her birth story for another day, but for now, I'll let you know that she is growing happily, getting more alert each day, and sleeps very well for a 2 week old baby.

2 weeks.  My god the time has flown by already!  So now that I am 2 weeks post partum, I'm about ready to get back into the swing of things with getting back on track with my exercise and nutrition.  I'm not quite ready to start working out again (I haven't gotten cleared by the doctors) but I can certainly start to do better with my nutrition for sure! I'm starting a FREE 5 day group next Monday to kickstart my weightloss plans again, and after that the all new 21 day fix extreme program is being released so I can't wait to get going with that as well! I'm taking new customers for my free group up through the next few days, so shoot me an email if you're interested in joining me...it's time to get those resolutions kickstarted! babebeforebaby@gmail.com