Mar 12, 2013

Progress, not Perfection

Poor Brandi has been dealing with a lot of sickness in her house lately, so I thought I’d take a week off from our Tuesday Link-up to give her a much needed break.  Besides, after last night’s episode of the Biggest loser, I thought it would be better to take some time today to talk about this journey a little bit.  If you don’t watch the BL, the short of it is that they showed each contestant a quick compilation of how far they’ve come in their 12 weeks on the show.  I needed to see that last night. Because, well, honestly, I had a few days last week where I really struggled.  I was hungry.  I was tired.  I was sore.  And really, I was just MAD.

Mad because weight loss just sucks sometimes.
Mad because my body just doesn’t lose weight as fast as some others do.
Mad because I want to eat an effin’ cheeseburger and not gain weight.
Mad because I’m sick of counting calories.
Mad because I’d like to sleep in instead of getting up to exercise EVERY. DAMN. DAY.
Mad because after all that, I still have flabby arms, stomach rolls and lumpy thighs.
Mad because I still have a long way to go.

It’s so easy to focus on these things, and to lose sight of the bigger picture, the bigger journey taking place.  Sometimes you just need to take a step back to see the forest through the trees. 

I used to be a size 18.
I used to be in the “Morbidly Obese” BMI category.
I used to struggle just to run a quarter mile.
I used to make excuses to skip going out with friends because I had nothing to wear that fit me right or that I felt good in.

I’m none of those things anymore.  I’m making better choices on a daily basis, not because I’m on a “diet”, but because my goal is to be as healthy as possible before getting pregnant so I can continue that lifestyle through my pregnancy and parenthood. 

There’s been a lot of hype lately about herbal cleanses and shakes to help with weight loss, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of the huge losses some people are seeing in just a weeks’ time.  But I know better; I’ve been there, done that with just about every weight loss system there is.  It’s temporary, not a permanent fix.  Even a super sticky band aid falls off eventually, and the weight will creep back on as soon as the meal replacement shakes go away (at least that’s how it’s happened for me).

I’m not perfect.  I have days where I want to give up, where I want to just stuff my face with fatty foods and sit on the couch and do nothing.  Before this journey, I would let a day like that derail me.  Not anymore.  It’s about Progress, not Perfection.  I’m moving forward, the scale is moving down, even if it is painfully slow, and I will continue this journey that I’m on.  Because I’m worth it. Because I’ve NEVER in my life been thin or had a healthy BMI.  Because I NEED to know what it feels like to not be obsessed with pulling at my shirt to hide my rolls or wearing pants in the middle of the summer to hide my thighs.

I will get there.  It might take me longer than some because I’m trying to figure out how to do this and still do the things I love (like going out to dinner and drinks with friends).  But this is not a race.  There’s no time cutoff for reaching that finish line.  Sure, we all want to get there as fast as possible, but sprinting and burning myself out before I get there will be more disappointing than just taking my time and doing it right.  I will see this thing through to the end, as hard as it may be. 
Strive for progress, not perfection.
Never give up.

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