Dec 31, 2012

Big changes

I have some big changes and exciting things happening for the start of the New Year.  First, I'm working on a total blog re-design with the help of my awesome friend Brandi over at Thin After Twins, and I can't wait to reveal it!

Second, I've finally moved into the 21st century and signed up for Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook pages for this blog, so I would love if you stopped by any and all of these places to follow, like, pin, tweet, or just say hello :)

Third, it's time for a little reflection.  I know I've been hard on myself this past month for not staying as motivated as I should have been, but the reality is, I'm ending 2012 a whopping 35# lighter than I started it.  I still have a ways to go, but when I started this year at 232, I felt like I would never see the one hundreds' again.  I felt like I was too fat, too lazy, too (fill in your word of choice here) to make any serious headway.  I proved myself wrong.  This year, I ran in a race on Thanksgiving day that I've been wanting to do for as long as I can remember, but always felt I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I go through my ups and downs with motivation, and although I wasn't totally serious all year long about my weight loss, starting this blog at the end of August was the best thing I ever could have done for myself.  You guys are the reason I'm still here.  The reason I haven't given up this month.  The reason I want to keep going, try harder, get back on that wagon.  So thank you.  Thank you for following me, for commenting, for reading, for telling me I can still do this!  You have no idea what it means to me, and I'm so thankful for y'all every day.

So New Year's "resolutions" start today.  I resolve not to make any drastic changes that will burn me out, but instead make small lifestyle changes that I can live with forever, so that this will become not just a diet but a healthy way of life! I started my day with a green monster smoothie, as some of you may have already seen on Facebook, and I'm starting my first round of Insanity.  I'm going to also re-start C25K on my treadmill since the weather has gotten so bad outside I'm not going to be able to run outdoors for a while.  I'm hoping this time around I can improve my speed a bit, so I'm hoping by starting out again at week 1 I can push my speed for the running intervals.  I'm back to logging into MFP today too, I want my 100 day streak back!! 

So what about you, what are your goals for 2013??

Dec 28, 2012

Fat Sick and Nearly Dead

SOOO I haven’t exactly been doing well the month of December.  Like at all.  Like I’ve fallen so far off the wagon that I’m having a hard time finding it again. 

Why? I don’t know for sure, probably because it’s so much easier to be fat and lazy than it is to be healthy and active.  I know that I’m moving backwards now instead of forward, but I just can’t seem to make myself snap out of it.  This week has been a doozy on top of it; my hubs got hit with a nasty stomach flu that left him useless all day Sunday and most of Christmas Eve as well, and then Christmas was sort of stressful and I may or may not have drank 2308953 bottles of wine and puked my brains out all night L (Stay classy Karri, stay classy).  Wednesday I felt like such crap from my drinking that all I wanted was fatty greasy food.  I went back to work yesterday and was met with everyone’s Christmas leftovers, and now here we are today with another half day of crappy eating under my belt.  I’m too tired to go grocery shopping.  My head is pounding.  My jeans are tight.  I am UNDOING ALL OF MY HARD WORK.  On Wednesday night I decided I should watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix to try and motivate me to get back on it.  It was a decent documentary, and it was pretty amazing to watch Joe’s transformation.  I was even inspired to try juicing myself, well that is until I made myself a green monster the next morning with waaay to much green and not enough fruit, and it was so nasty I nearly vomited it back up.  Needless to say I didn’t finish that drink.  And end motivation here. 

I know I’ll snap out of this funk…I just can’t see how right now.  I think my subconscious is stuck on the “we’ll hit it hard in the New Year” mentality, which has gotten me in so much trouble in the past.  I’m starting a round of Insanity on Monday with a group of girls so I’ll have some accountability, and I'm thinking about going to bootcamp tomorrow….but honestly I’m a little scared that I’ve ruined my endurance and I won’t be able to make it through a class!! I will promise to get in some form of exercise tomorrow, even if it’s just a run.  Baby steps, right? Now if this damn headache would just go away!

One last thing…don’t forget to vote for my blog daily for the “Best Health Blog of 2012 Contest”.  You can vote once per day for as many blogs as you want, and you can do it with both Facebook and Twitter accounts (2 votes for the same blog!)

Thanks so much for your support, I’ve somehow managed to make it into the top ten!!  Have a great weekend!

Dec 27, 2012

Best Health Blog Award

Woo hooo!! I've been nomitated for Heathline's Best Health Blog Award! I realize there's no chance in hell that I'll win this thing, but it sure is nice to feel appreciated! Do me a favor and head on over to vote, you can look up my blog alphabetically, "Babe Before Baby" :)  And while you're there, show some love to my girls over at "In Progress for Good" and "Thin after Twins"!!
You can vote once per day per blog! Thanks for your support!!


Dec 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!!

Hope you get everything you asked for!!
Here's a pic of me and the hubs from years ago when he played Santa at my family Xmas party:

May your days be Merry and Bright!!

Dec 21, 2012

Winter Wonderland

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a week now and just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.  Last Friday, my state experienced something so unfathomably awful, it’s hard to put into words how I even feel about it.

I grew up in Connecticut, and although I live about an hour away from Newtown and I have no children of my own, I have beautiful nieces and countless family and friends who are teachers. This tragedy has hit so close to home, but I am reminded how teachers are so very important in more ways than what we learn in the classroom. I am so proud to have a teacher in my family, as my best friends, as my role models. Please show your teachers how much they mean to you today, they are suffering as if these children were their own. 

With the Holiday season here and in the wake of a national tragedy, I am asking a small favor. Connecticut PTA’s are taking part in a fundraiser for the students of Sandy Hook. They’re not asking for money, but what they’re looking for is people to make paper snowflakes.  They can be as basic or as creative as you want, they’re just asking that you don’t use words, but anything else goes.   They’re going to use the snowflakes to decorate the halls and classrooms of the schools that the children will be attending after winter break to make their new school into a “Winter Wonderland”. Whether you want to make one or a dozen, it makes all the difference….think how much this small gesture will mean to these kids when they return.   So if you have a little time during this Holiday season please take a moment (include your family and friends) and make a little something these children will need to brighten their first day back.

Make and send snowflakes to Connecticut PTSA, 60 Connolly Parkway, Building 12, Suite 103, Hamden, CT  06514, by January 12, 2013.

If you want more information, check out the PTA's website here:


Thank you all for your help, it means more than you can ever know.  Hug your babies and loved ones, and try to remember, this year especially, what the true meaning of Christmas is. 

Dec 14, 2012

In Progress for Good

Today is a very special day, because Alisha from the awesome blog In Progress for Good has agreed to share her story here.  I've known Alisha for a few months now through the blogging world, and I have to tell you that this girl is as genuine as it gets.  I have never met a more inspiring person, and she's got a heart of gold! I'm honored she's willing to share with my readers, so without further ado, here's Alisha's story, in her words...

The summer of 2009 should have been one of the happiesttimes of my life.  This was the summer wefinally purchased and built our very first home.  And while that is exciting, I will alwaysremember that summer for very different reasons.

 That summer is when I faced the hard, cold truth and realityslapped me in the face.  You see, upuntil that point in my life I had been really good at ignoring my weightproblem.  I had been great at pretendingI was happy.  I had moved past a lot ofanger I had from horrible situations from my past.  But deep down, I didn’t feel I deserved to behappy.  Ultimately, crap happens ineveryone’s lives.  Mine was no exception!  I went many years, feeling I didn’t deserveto look good.  Or I didn’t deserve to behappy. 

The summer of 2009 was the final straw.  This is me in the summer of 2009.
Some might ask why I would share such an unflatteringpicture with the blog world.  There isone HUGE reason.  Because I never, NEVERwant to forget how I felt this exact day!

I woke up, as usual, in my brand new bedroom, in my brandnew house.  I went to get dressed.  I stood in my closet.  I searched. I went to my drawers.  I searchedsome more.  Typically, I would grab asweatshirt and comfy pants, but it was a hot 110-degree day and I knew I wouldroast.  So I kept looking. 

That’s when the tears started.  Everything I pulled out to try on wasn’t evenclose to fitting!  I sat there, in mycloset, disappointed and discouraged.  Eventually,at the very top of my closet I saw a box labeled “maternity clothes.”  I knew what was in that box.  And with tears streaming down my face Iopened the box and grabbed my maternity capris, and the purple maternity shirtto go with them.

I was humiliated.

I was so large that even my size 20’s in my closet…you know,my “fat pants” didn’t fit!  I had to gofor the stretchy waisted maternity clothes, and those were tight.

After I gained composure, I put on my “everything is great”face.  I went down to play the wii withthe kids.  Yet again, pretending that itdidn’t bother me.  But when I see thatpicture above, I see the pain and embarrassment hiding deep down in that girl!  I never want to forget that feeling becausethose emotions are what continue to scare me straight!

233.9 was the highest recorded weight for me.  And slowly I started chipping away at thatnumber...again!  You see I had triedumpteen times to lose weight.  I’d triedLA Weightloss, Atkins, HCG, juicing fasts, etc, etc, etc.    Myprogress was slow.  I got down to about207 and found out I was pregnant with my youngest.  While we were thrilled, I also knew thismeant I would be gaining back what I had been trying to lose.  Thankfully, by the time I delivered in April2011 I was only back up to 222.

That is when the real work began.  That summer I knew I had to dosomething.  That summer I knew I had thechance to change. 

So, I began walking.
Not outside….I was a hermit and too embarrassed about mysize!
Not on a treadmill….we couldn’t afford one.
Not at the gym…my husband was working thousands of milesaway from us and I had no family near to use as babysitters.  (Plus, we couldn’t afford a membership.)  (Plus, I was a hermit…remember?)

So I began walking inside my house.
Sound silly?  Yeah.  I know it does.
But that’s what I did.

I literally had a wiiFit step board and would step on andoff that board thousands of times a day. Before the kids woke up, I’d try and get in 45 minutes.  When the kids went outside to play, I’d sneakin 30 minutes.  When the kids went downfor the night, I’d turn on my favorite TV shows and step up and down as Iwatched them.  I told myself there was NOTV unless I was stepping.

And that is what I did all summer long.

By the time my husband came home from training, he wascoming home to a new wife.  By the end ofAugust I was down to 175 pounds.  (Thatis 47 pounds in just over 3 months!)

It was tedious.  Itwas boring.  But I was consistent!

Cue nursing school!

 I wish I could sit here and say that in the next few months,I lost the remaining pounds and have been maintaining ever since.  Sorry. That’s not my story.

Instead, I started nursing school.  It was hard. My husband was still working out of town, only coming home for theweekends.  I was stressed.  I was overwhelmed.  I ignored myself, and I definitely ignoredthe scale.

By the time I finished my first year of school, I finally faced the scale againand was discouraged and angry at myself. I was back up.  Having to re-losewhat I worked so hard to shed. 

So, in May 2012 I got re-focused AGAIN.  I started walking, again!  In July I decided I wanted to be a runneragain.  I started with the C25K and thoughtI was going to DIE!  When I ran 1 minutestraight I wanted to puke. 
But I was consistent! (Are you catching a theme?)

Slowly, I’ve continued to tick pounds off.  And just this week I hit 80 pounds lost! 


Am I where I thought I’d be by this point?  No.  Ithink we all want to lose the weight as fast as humanly possible, or is thatjust me? 

But here’s what I want you to take from my experience…..

1.     It CAN be done! It can.  I don’t care if you don’tlive by a gym, can’t afford a gym.  Idon’t care if you are a single mom, a working mom, a working woman.  We all have busy lives!  We do. But you CAN choose to put your health first!

2.     Consistency is the key!  When you are consistent, results come.  It’s really that simple.  Some weeks it doesn’t feel that easy.  Some weeks you feel you busted ass to loseand the scale is showing a gain!  Thathappens.  It happens to all of us!  It’s frustrating and infuriating!  But all you can control is YOUR ACTIONS!  Be consistent and the results will alwayscome…maybe not on your watch, but they will come!

3.     If you fall, don’t stay on the floor.  First, I’m ¾ a nurse and that’s justgross…ewww, germs!  Seriously though, ifyou haven’t fallen down along your weight loss journey I commend you.  (And I also caution you, because IT WILLHAPPEN!)  The key to success is GETTINGUP ONE MORE TIME THAN YOU FALL!

4.     You deserve this!  I truly mean that from the bottom of myheart.  I realize I don’t know yourspecific story or situation, but I know you deserve happiness.  And I know you deserve health!  You are strong, use that strength to surpriseyourself!

Wow.  I mean wow.  I love Alisha, but this post made me love her even more.  Be sure to stop by her blog and tell her how much she's inspired you (and let her know I sent you!)


Dec 11, 2012

One more wake-up and a guest blog

One more wake-up until Punta Cana! That’s how my niece measures everything, in wake-ups, and I think it’s the sweetest thing in the world…so I thought I’d share her sentiment.  SO I have a weigh in tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to suck, but I’m not going to let that get me down because I’m about to go spend a week in paradise, chillin on a beach with a fruity drink in hand, and spending some QT time with my sis.  So are you all gonna miss me while I’m gone? I’m not sure what the wi-fi situation will be down there just yet, so you will likely be without a post from me for an entire week.  To fill this void, I’ve invited my dear friend Alisha who blogs over at In Progress for Good to do a guest post for me later this week.  Y’all are in for a serious treat here; Alisha is the most amazing woman I know, and despite major setbacks in life, has managed to lose 80 pounds! I won’t blow up her spot by giving away her whole story just yet, but be sure to check back for her post, you won’t want to miss this!!


Dec 10, 2012

Manic Monday...Bleh

I sure talked a big game last week didn't I? If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, blah blah blah.  Well this weekend was an epic fail.  I didn't go to bootcamp Saturday morning because my husband wanted to go out to breakfast; it could have been worse however, because we agreed to walk to the diner instead of drive, which was 1/2 hour each way, and I had and egg white omelette with spinach and feta, dry wheat toast (one slice) and no homefries.  Saturday night was not as productive.  My XMas party was filled with wayyy to much wine, pizza, and tequila shots (yup you heard right, tequila), which basically wrecked my whole day Sunday.  I was such a hungover mess (I'm too old to drink like that anymore!) that I had no motivation to get my lazy butt off the couch all day, and all I wanted was greasy hangover food to make me feel better, so enter Chinese food for dinner.  So this morning, the scale was not my friend (Suprised? Neither was I).  Today is a new day though.  Better choices, more water, and I woke up early and did a 45 minute TurboFire workout.  2 more days until Punta Cana and I CAN'T WAIT!!


Dec 7, 2012

Self-sabotage and Pinterest

Whelp my diet has sucked for the past 2 days and I paid for it on the scale this morning….back up 1.2 pounds.  I do this to myself all the freaking time.  I get to a low, “reward” myself with a treat (like a BAG of peanut m&ms), and push myself backwards.  Last night I had my husband’s work Christmas party, and although I didn’t do as bad as I could have, I did eat mozzarella sticks and fried pickles, mostly because I was so freakin’ hungry and the giant salad I ate first just wasn’t cutting it.  I have my BFF Xmas party tomorrow night where I will undoubtedly drink too much wine and then stuff my face with pizza.  I’m going to try to go way up on my activity levels this weekend to counteract some of this bad eating…. I can’t afford to gain weight this week with my Punta Cana trip in less than a week!  I have to get out of the 190s, I’m so sick of seeing this number already, and I really want to put some major distance between those 200s.  Hopefully I can stay motivated this weekend long enough to stop my self-sabotage!

PS, unrelated, but I’m on Pinterest now! Follow me by clicking that big ol’ button on the right of my blog ;)


Dec 4, 2012

'Tis the season

Oh holiday parties, how you kill me this time of year.

I have my first weigh in tomorrow for the droppin 4$$ competition that I started last Wednesday, and I also entered another competition online through (Super cool website that does all the work for you!) This competition is MUCH bigger…as in the pot is over $4000!! It’s different, however, in that you’re only competing against yourself; you “bet” $20 that you can lose 4% of your starting weight in 4 weeks, and as long as you hit that number, you win! Easy peasy, right? So as long as I can lose 8 pounds by Jan 2, I’m golden (and I’m sure plenty of the other 200+ people in the competition will be too, so I’ll probably only get like $22 for my prize, but it’s still motivating nonetheless!) 

So now enter the complications.  I’m not worried about tomorrow, but after that, it’s going to be rough.  Thursday I have the hub’s work Christmas party, Saturday night I have my annual ornament swap/holiday party at my BFFs house, and then next Wednesday I leave for a full week to lay on a beach in Punta Cana!! I’m so excited for my vacation, but I’m a little nervous about what it will do for my weight…I’ve never taken a vacation before and LOST weight, so this will be a challenge for sure!  When I get back on the 19th, I’ll have my work Christmas party, another friend party, Christmas Eve family party, and Christmas day family party, then there’s New Year’s eve the following week! Phew!  I’m exhausted just thinking about all that!

I know you’ve heard this a million times before, but “If you don’t plan, you plan to fail”. 

So here’s my plan: take it easy.  This is not the last time you’ll ever see a glass of wine, or a chocolate chip cookie, or a slice of pizza.  Eat in moderation.  Don’t deprive yourself, but don’t ever overindulge.  The last thing you want is to look like a bloated uncomfortable mess in that pretty party dress! If there’s something there that you’ll only see once a year, have some; enjoy it, and don’t stress about it.  Keep tracking calories, as bad as they may be, keep on moving every day to keep your calories in check by exercising as much as possible.  Don’t give up.  Don’t savatoge yourself by saying “Whelp, I already screwed up today, might as well just give up until tomorrow (or Monday, or Wednesday, or whatever the case may be)”.  Just. Keep. Going.

And I will.  I will conquer this holiday season, and I hope you all will too.  We can help each other, but no matter what, don’t stop.  Don’t give up; we’ve come so far and we’re so close to the top.  Keep your head down, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  We'll all get through this, one step at a time!

Dec 3, 2012


I know this is a little late, given that we’re way past Thanksgiving by now, but I wanted to take a moment to express how very thankful I am for this little world I’ve discovered through blogging and Facebook groups.  I have met and become very close with an incredible group of women, all at different points in their weight loss journeys but all equally motivating to me as I go through my own.  Some of these women have lost incredible amounts of weight, like Alisha and Denise, and are living proof that if you stick with it, you WILL see results.  I know I’ve never met these women in real life, but I feel as if I know them.  I mean really know them, like they’ve been my best friends forever, and that they just GET me and all of the struggles I go through.  They challenge me to get my steps in every day, they motivate me to keep going when my weight loss stalls, and they cheer me on through every milestone that I achieve, even the minor ones.  Last night, I shared this photo with them from my Thanksgiving day race, and included the caption “who’s that fat girl running!?”:

Their responses almost brought me to tears.  One instantly replied, “you mean, who’s that FIT girl running!?”, and another then said (and I quote) “You look like a Nike Ad.  Like the strong girl who just happens to be beautiful too”.  I think that that is, by far, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me (thank you Marcee!!), and it made me even more grateful to be a part of this amazing group of women.  I’m sure that I would have given up by now had it not been for them.  So thank you. Thank you for being part of my crazy life, for being a part of this sometimes crappy weight loss journey, for keeping me going when I want to quit, and for letting me a part of your journey as well.  Special shout out to my Heathers, and to Heather in particular because I wouldn’t be here now without you.

And now, I'll leave you with a little motivation for your Monday....

Nov 27, 2012

Decisions decisions

Soo...another round of weight loss competition starts tomorrow, and I'm on the fence about whether to join or not.  I decided initially that I wouldn't do it, because I was driving myself batshit crazy over the fact that the scale just wasn't moving as much as I had wanted it to each week, even when I had huge numbers, it just never felt like it was enough in that last round.  But enter this past weekend, where there was no competition to keep me in check, and I let all hell break lose.  I think I might need more motivation to keep my inner fat girl at bay for now, so I'm considering entering this next round now.  I know my body doesn't drop huge numbers week after week, but maybe it will be the push I need to keep myself from gaining back 20 pounds this next month (believe me, I could easily do that).  Last night was a perfect example..I worked late, went home exhausted and it was pitch black out.  I had no desire to cook, and my husband asked if we could order Chinese food (his treat).  So my plan for grilled chicken and Turbo Fire went right out the window.  I did get up early and do TF this morning instead, but I think I need that extra something to keep me from giving up at the end of a long day.  I'll let you know what I decide tomorrow, but for now, I'm thinking still.  What would you do if you were me??

Nov 26, 2012

Holiday weekend recap

Whelp its Monday already.  Let’s start with Thanksgiving.  First, the road race. 

Can I just tell you how insane it is to run in a race with that many people!?! I mean, literally, thousands of people, everywhere, some in costume, some in almost no clothes even though it was in the 30s outside. 

They have you line up by time, and there’s a sign at the side of the road for every 5 minute interval (20 minutes or less, 20-25 minutes, 25-30 minutes, 30-35 min, 35-40 min, and 40 min or more).  I positioned myself at the point where I felt the “50 minutes or more” sign would have been (had there been one) because I wasn’t about to fight these serious runners to keep up (we were packed in, elbow to elbow, no room for slow runners here!).  This is the view BEHIND me!!
I lined up by about 9:15am, but the race didn’t start until 10, so there was a lot of waiting around to do. 
When the race did finally start, it took me just under 5 minutes just to reach the START line! Here's the view in front of me, the banner strung across the street is the official start line:
 And as soon as I hit that, I was off running.  I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t fun that first mile.  There were so many people darting and weaving in front of me, I thought I was going to trip and fall or get trampled to death.  I was so concentrated on not tripping when people darted in front of me, that the first ½ mile went pretty quick.  And then…we hit our first bottleneck. I was literally jogging in place, not moving forward at all! So many people, I’ve never done a race like this! The jogging in place thing happened a few times throughout the course, but at about ¾ of a mile in, the hill started.  This was a big motha effin’ hill people.  It kept going.  And it was steep, but gradual.  And every time you thought you were at the top, you turned the corner and there was more.  All uphill until about mile 2.5.  Thankfully there was a giant downhill right after that, but there was a few points where I didn’t think I would make it!  All in all it was a lot of fun.  I ran the whole thing without walking, and I didn’t care too much about my time considering the fact that I wasn’t moving forward a few times throughout the race and that I was too concerned with not breaking my ankle by tripping from all the a-holes cutting me off, that I just figured my time would be the least of my concerns. I finished in just under an hour, and considering all of the obstacles I faced, I was pretty proud of that time!

My offical race time was: 57:49
Pace: 12:11
Ovearll Ranking: 10598 
Ranking in Female division for my age group: 901/1215
Side note, the woman who won (for the woman’s division) this race was named Delilah something or other, and she was actually the inspiration behind the plain white T’s song “Hey there Delilah” (she’s from Chicago).  Random, but cool, right?

Anywho, back to the rest of the weekend.  Thanksgiving went as expected, I stuffed my face with everything in sight! Unfortunately for me, running 5 miles does not mean I can eat whatever I want, for however long I want….I basically went on a fat girl binge all weekend between leftovers Friday, greasy spoon breakfast and hot dogs and beer on Saturday night, and Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes yesterday.  I was so awful this weekend, the scale almost made me cry this morning.  I can’t believe how much I’ve un-done in 4 days’ time.  I didn’t even exercise at all the rest of the weekend after that race.  This is the dangerous point in my journey.  I’ve done this so many times…get to a weight where I feel relatively comfortable, stuff my face like I’m not on a “diet” anymore, and start gaining it all back.  I can’t do that this time! I got up and did some interval running on the treadmill before work today.  I packed healthy food for today, and I’m having grilled chicken for dinner tonight.  I’m going to start up Turbofire again tonight too.  I will not let this setback derail me this time.  I will keep going, I have to!
How did your weekend go? What are your plans to get back on track?

Nov 20, 2012

What's Important

Remember how I posted last week about my sore right achilles tendon? Well it's still a little sore (not crazy sore, but a tiny bit).  Worse yet, I went to bootcamp on Saturday morning while it was still sore, and must have unknowingly started favoring my left side because of the injury. My left ankle is now REALLY sore; I'm talking I can't flex my foot down or do circles with my left foot.  I went for a run yesterday hoping to loosen it up a bit, but this morning it still hurt a whole lot.  I decided to skip my run today.  If I feel better tonight, I may do some turbo fire, but I'm not going to push myself. The scale still shows me up a ridiculous amount of weight this morning from my fat girl Sunday binge, and even though tomorrow's weigh-in is important to me, running this race on Thanksgiving is more important to me.  And if it means tomorrow I still show a gain because I didn't exercise today, than so be it.  What's important is that I am strong enough and healthy enough to run this race.  The number on the scale is just that, a number, and I'll get past it. 

Nov 19, 2012

Confessions of a Fat Girl....She's still in there

She’s still in there.  She’s been deprived, and she wants out like nobody’s business.  And boy did she come out yesterday.  Yup, I had a total fat girl day…I’m talking breakfast with bacon, eggs and homefries, and dinner that may or may not have involved almost an entire medium pizza from Dominos with bacon and pineapple.  Jeez.  She has no self-control. 

 So let’s focus on the positive here shall we?  Old me would have laid on the couch all day yesterday and wallowed in the fact that I’m never going to NOT be fat.  New me went for a 5 mile walk with my husband, even though it was like 30 degrees outside.  Old me would have thrown my hands up in the air and said, well eff it, I blew my diet today, might as well stop trying until after Thanksgiving is out of the way (and the after Thanksgiving festivities) so I can start fresh next week.  New me got up and ran for 30 minutes this morning before work, packed a healthy lunch and snacks for the day, and is planning on eating grilled chicken for dinner.  That fat girl is still in there.  And she’s fighting until her last dying breath.  But I will defeat her.  I will keep going, because these changes I’m making are not a diet, they are not short term, they are not “until I get skinny”.  They are forever.  And she will go away completely one day.  But for now, I have to deal with her, then GTFOI and move on.

On a happier note, today marked the end of my fitness competition at work.  It ended in a 3 way tie (including me!), but that’s still $50 for me to spend on something nice for myself (I did just treat myself to almost that exact amount at Old Navy last week though so I might call it a wash!)

 How was your weekend!? Hope you did better than me!

Nov 16, 2012

I did it

5 motha effin' miles baby!  I did it! And I feel awesome! Well, I feel sore, but I feel really awesome anyways! I'm a teeny tiny bit concerned right now because around mile 3.5 my right heel/achilies tendon started to get sore.  Scratch that, it started to hurt.  Like shooting pains hurt.  But I was so close to my 5 mile goal I didn't want to stop, so I just kept going.  And now that it's a few hours after my run, it still hurts, just sitting here.  That scares me a bit.  I'm going to look up some stretches today to see if that helps, so here's hoping I didn't just ruin my chances of running the Manchester Road Race on Thanksgiving!

I am headed up to Boston tomorrow night for my younger sister's housewarming party.  I'll probably drink too much, eat like crap, and have a great time.  And I'm not going to stress about it.  Life can't be put on hold while I get healthy, it's a process that happens at the same time, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but I'm going to plan my days accordingly to keep the rest of my weekend in check. 

What's going on this weekend for you? Hope you have some fun stuff planned!

Nov 15, 2012

New day, new attitude

So I obviously had a pity party yesterday, and got frustrated with myself (and my scale) for not losing as much as I’d hoped to this week.  But I got home last night and 2 things happened that made me seriously stop and reflect a bit, so I think they’re worth sharing.  Both of these things are tied to me getting home from work and grabbing the mail (don’t you just love getting fun stuff in the mail!?!)

First, I got my bib/official registration for the Manchester Road Race. 
And it got me thinking.  I’ve been talking about doing this race for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never done anything about it.  I used to think that running a 3.1 mile race was near impossible, and if I could do that without walking that would be a huge accomplishment.  Last weekend I ran my 3rd official 5k in the fastest time I’ve ever run, and a few days before that, I actually ran over 4 miles without walking, for the first time in my life.   Tomorrow, I will set out to run 5 miles for the first time ever, and even though I’m a little scared, I know that I’ve come so far already and I’m so very proud of myself for getting to this point.  The Manchester Road race is just under 5 miles, and I am so excited to be able to run in it this year.  And you know what? I did that.  I made myself get up at 6am every day before race to run the couch to 5k program.  I made myself run in 30 degree weather so I could keep up with my training schedule.  I ran when I wanted to stop.  I ran when I would have rather been in my warm, cozy bed.  I even ran in the rain a few times.  I never in my life thought I’d be able to say it before, but now, I feel like screaming, Damnit, I’m a runner! I may not be the fastest, I may not have the best form, but I don’t care.  I can run.  And I will run.  And I am going to have such an effing awesome time at this race next week that I’m so excited to finally be a part of.

Second, my shipment from Old Navy arrived yesterday (that had my size 12 skinny jeans that I posted about last week).  Well when I placed my online order, I was super close to the $50 mark to get free shipping, so I decided to treat myself to one more item.  I really need new work pants, specifically black pants, because my old ones (size 16) are literally falling off me and I can’t wear them anymore.  I know I tried on the size 12 skinnies and they fit….but they have stretch in them that makes them more forgiving than most pants.  But I refused to buy another 14 knowing that I’m on the cusp of being in a smaller size…. So I took a gamble, and I bought size 12 trouser pants.  Well, I tried them on, and they fit great!
That means I’m “officially” a size 12!! I don’t feel like I’m faking it anymore, it’s real this time, and considering I started the year in a size 18, this is a huge deal for me.  My hips/thighs are the last place I lose weight, so it takes me a really really long time to go down a size.  I’m really proud of this moment, and I realized at that point that I am so much more than a number on a scale.

I’ve been a part of this online weight loss competition that has gotten me obsessing over my scale and why my numbers are not as good as the others in the competition, when I feel like I’m really busting my butt to get the results that I’m getting.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and racing to the finish line is just going to burn me out before I finish.  That’s my M.O., what I’ve done a million times.  Diet hardcore for a month, lose 10 lbs, get sick of it, binge on everything in sight, gain back 20 lbs.  I will not do that this time.  This is a lifestyle, not a diet.  I am not perfect, and I may not lose weight every single week, but I’ve made real, tangible progress here and I can’t ignore that.  I may get frustrated, I may have my moments, but in the end, I’m a smaller, fitter person now than I was at this time last year.  Hell, I’m a smaller fitter person than I was at this time last month!

I took a rest day from exercise today.  I’ve worked out the past 4 weeks in a row without a single day off and I realized that that kind of schedule is just not sustainable, and that my body needs a break every once in a while.  I am in this for the long haul.  I am changing my life, not just on the outside, but on the inside too, and that kind of journey doesn’t happen overnight.

I will Just. Keep. Going.

Nov 5, 2012

Monday again?

These weekends go by too damn fast.  It's Monday already, and I'm feeling exhausted and sore today.  I really pushed myself this past weekend now that I have my fitbit up and running (I got it on Wednesday night, so addicting!).  I've made it a goal to hit at least 10k steps each day, and so far I've managed to do that, plus some.  Friday I ran in the morning and got in a 3 mile walk after dinner.  Saturday I went to bootcamp and cleaned my house like a mad woman, and Sunday I walked about 7500 steps at the diner before coming home and doing 3.1 miles outside.  Phew.  I'm exhuasted just writing that, no wonder I'm tired today! 

I've been doing well with my eating too; went out to dinner on Friday night but I ordered a salad with grilled chicken, didn't eat the bread that came with it, and stayed well within my calories for the day.  Ate home for every other meal this week, and haven't had a lick of alcohol (PS I could REALLY use a glass of wine right now! Oh, it's only 9am? Well it's noon somewhere, right!?)  The scale isn't moving, but it's my TOM right now, so I'm hoping that goes away by Wednesday and takes a few pounds with it!

And just for ha has, here's my Monday outfit (corporate power suit on today, going to a ribbon cutting ceremony for the Oncology Suite I designed). 

Happy Monday!

Nov 2, 2012

I had a thought...

I had a thought while running on the treadmill today....

That is all.

Oct 30, 2012


So I’m struggling this week.

I’m getting really frustrated with my scale after such a huge milestone loss last week, I’m terrified I’ll still see the 2’s tomorrow.  I have been steadily gaining weight since that last weigh-in, for no apparent reason.

First, let’s talk about what I did to get into the 100s and my week of perfection; I ate at home for an entire week straight.  I didn’t order any take out, not even a coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  I stayed within 1200-1250 calories every day, and I worked out 6 out of 7 days that week (I took one day off when I stayed home sick from work).  I managed to get in 2 workouts a day for 3 or 4 of those 6 days.  I was a machine, hell bent on perfection so I could see those 100s.

Now let’s talk about this past week.  I had 3 meals that I didn’t cook myself; Friday night I had subway (6” turkey sub with baked lays), Saturday night I had a wedding, and Sunday night in anticipation of our hurricane we ordered take out and I got a grilled chicken salad with feta cheese, oil and vinegar on the side.  Now, all this being said.  Saturday is literally the only day I went over on my calories.  I was super strict on Wednesday and Thursday last week, and yet Thursday morning I was up 1 pound, and by Friday I was up another (yep, doing your math right, back in the 200s L).  Friday I ate subway for dinner but it was well within my calorie range, and I was only at 1309 for the day (not including workout).  I worked out twice on Wednesday, and got in a workout Thursday and Friday morning.  Saturday morning I went to boot camp (which burns close to 800 calories in the hour long class), and I was very diligent all day leading up to the wedding.  I didn’t behave very well at the wedding (drank too much wine, had a second piece of cake, and had a piece of bread) but in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t be that bad, right? Wrong, up another pound on Sunday.  I got in another hour long workout on Sunday, and although I ate takeout that night (does grilled chicken and salad really count as takeout people!?!?), again well within my calories for the day.  Monday I spent an hour on the treadmill, and was super strict with my calories, with only 1274 total for the day, not including my workout!

So, someone PLEASE PLEASE tell me what the hell is going on.  I mean, I wasn’t “perfect” last week, but with no days over 1350 plus a workout every single day, I should be seeing the scale move down, not up!! At this point, I’d be thrilled to see 198.8 again tomorrow, because at least then I wouldn’t be in the 2s, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen.  I did realize yesterday that my TOM is due within the next couple of days, and I do always tend to gain and get bloated the week before, but this is the sort of week that would normally make me want to give up.  I’ve been working so effing hard, why should one night out mean a 5 pound gain!? Eff me. 

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few pics from the wedding (yes, they get blurrier as the night goes on, that’s the wine talking!)
Me pouting because Hubs wouldn't take a picture with me
Yay, he took a picture :)
The infamous cake (it was soo sliver thin I don't think a second piece really counts!?)
Hope you had a good weekend, and here's hoping tomorrow is better than I think it will be!!

Oct 25, 2012

Liebster Award

Wow I guess I must be moving up in the bloggin world...27 followers AND I got nominated for a Liebster Award by 2 different blogs!  Special thanks to Stephanie at and Alicia at for including me!

Winner, Winner! Chicken Dinner!

It looks like this award is for awesome bloggers that have under 200 fans, so this is right up my alley.  I'm not sure I can do everything on this list, but I'll sure try!
  • Each Person Tagged Must Post 11 Things About Themselves
  • They Must Also Answer The 11 Questions The Tagger Has Set For Them
  • They Must Also Create 11 More Questions To Ask Bloggers They Have Tagged
  • They Must Choose 11 Bloggers To Tag With Less Than 200 Followers
  • These Lucky Bloggers Must Be Told
  • There Are No Tag Backs
11 Things About Myself
  1. I have a rescue cat named Luna; she has no claws but I promise she came that way!
  2. I am an architect by trade, but in addition to blogging I also waitress at a diner on Sundays and make baby headbands that I sell on Etsy (
  3. I have Crohn's disease. 
  4. I have 2 sisters, one older, one younger.  We're all 18 months apart.
  5. I lived in NYC (Brooklyn) for 6.5 years for college and a few years after.
  6. I was engaged once before I met my now husband...high school sweetheart gone wrong.
  7. The hubs and I met playing softball.
  8. My parents got divorced after almost 30 years of marriage; I have a pretty strained relationship with my mother for multiple reasons, but we don't talk as of right now.
  9. I hate when other people's dogs jump all over me and they don't even try to help (sorry if that makes me a bitch!)
  10. hate when people where Uggs with shorts!
  11. My husband and I filmed a taping of the newlywed show this summer...our episode hasn't aired yet :).

My 11 Questions from Stephanie:
1. What is your favorite television sitcom? Friends
2. What is your favorite drink at Starbucks? Caramel Light Frappuccino
3. What are the three things you would need to not go insane on a deserted island? My phone, my husband and my purple crocodile pumps :)
4. What is your favorite season and why? Fall hands down.  I love the clothes this time of year: sweaters, boots, scarves! Add in Pumpkin flavored anything and I'm hooked!
5. What is your favorite grocery store? Don't have at Price Chopper for convenience.
6. If you could make out with any actor/actress, who would it be? Jason Statham!!
7. What is your dream ice cream flavor? Mint chocolate chip, my weakness!
8. What is your favorite cardio workout? Kickboxing, though I only do it via my Turbo Jam DVDS
9. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Australia
10. What is your favorite animal? Umm...I guess a cat since I love mine?
11. How has blogging changed your life? It's certainly kept me accountable! It's a lot harder to give up on goals when I know I have a crowd to answer to!
My 11 Questions from Alicia:
  1. What's the favorite part of your day? After dinner, relaxing on the couch with the hubs.
  2. If you were an animal, what would you be? What's with all the animal questions!? I dunno! A giraffe!?
  3. Why that animal? Because they can give birth to 150 pounds standing up ;)
  4. Favorite thing on TV? Right now Parenthood
  5. What is your best childhood memory? Camping with my dad and my sisters
  6. What did you want to be when you grew up? An Architect
  7. What's your dream vacation? Australia
  8. What's your favorite season? Fall (see above)
  9. What's your all time favorite movie quote? "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
  10. Who are 3 people you would love to have dinner with? Can be living or dead. Frank Lloyd Wright, Tori Amos, My dad's real mother (died when I was 2)
  11. What's the best memory you haven't made yet? Seeing my baby for the first time
The Questions For Those I Nominated:

  1. What's your favorite accessory?
  2. What brand of shampoo do you use?
  3. How often do you wash your hair?
  4. If you could only use one makeup item, which would it be?
  5. What is your favorite song to work out to?
  6. What do you wish you could change about your ever day schedule?
  7. What's your favorite color?
  8. What's your favorite holiday?
  9. How many days a week do you exercise (average) and for how long?
  10. Who's your celebrity crush?
  11. Up to this point, what was the best day of your life?

The Nominees Are...
Brandi at
Ashleigh at
Lauren at
Sam at
Alisha at
Erin at
Paige at
Natty at

And...that's all I've got.  Sorry it's not 11 nominees, and sorry if you've already been nominated (and feel free to ignore this altogether if you wish)! Hope you have fun with this!


Oct 22, 2012 wasn't pretty

So last week I mentioned I was going to sign myself up for a 5k this past Saturday.  By Thursday of last week, my sort-of cold had turned into a full blown hacking cough, complete with drippy nose and sore throat (just in time for my "week of perfection", great!). 

I decided to play Saturday by ear; I ended up taking a sick day on Friday to stay home and rest all day, and didn't exercise at all (is it weird that this made me feel guilty!?).  I woke up from my NyQuil coma on Saturday feeling a bit refreshed, and felt like I was well enough to give this 5k a go.

I got there early to sign up (I was afraid to sign up earlier given my cold situation).  It was a gorgeous fall day, and actually much warmer than I anticipated.
I was lined up pretty early, so I had a volunteer snap a picture of me before the start.

The race started at 10am, and I found myself a little too close to the front of the pack; I'm a slow runner, so I typically like to hang towards the back so I don't get in the way of the more serious runners.  I started off strong, but I realized very quickly that I was going too fast to keep up with the stronger runners; after only about a minute I hit a hill and my pace slowed down quite a bit, to the point where I felt like everyone participating in the race had passed me.  I could see a few people running ahead, but I was basically alone!
Yeah remember how I said I felt well enough to run? Well my mucous coated lungs disagreed, and this freakin' hill was not helping.  And there was no end in sight.  Every time I looked up there was more and more hill.  I pushed as far as I could, but eventually I felt that if I didn't stop to walk I was probably going to pass out from lack of air, and this damn hill wasn't going anywhere.  So I walked.  And it made it that much harder to start running again.  Turns out the first 2.5 miles of this effing race were UPHILL.  Who the hell does that? And who the hell would've thought a reservoir run would be UP FREAKIN HILL? I was expecting a flat run around the water, not this shit! 
So yes, I walked.  I ran when I could, but I felt like it just wasn't worth it to push myself to the point of passing out when I knew my lungs were not at full capacity.  I managed to run the last half mile or so (mostly because it started going downhill at this point!) and according to my runkeeper, I pushed myself to finish with a pace close to a 9 min mile (what!?!), but all that walking cost me, and my official time wasn't pretty.  Here's the stats from my run keeper app:

(PS, 3.4 miles!? I don't know why, but I sort of believe my app, there was a lot of winding trails we ran through and it felt wayyy longer than the 3.1 I've done at home!)

My official time on is 41:43, 13:26 pace, finished 65 out of 93 total, and 12th out of 18 in my age group.  I'm not exactly proud of this time or pace, but I am really proud that I pushed myself to do this even though I wasn't feeling 100%.  In the past, an illness like this would have given me an excuse to lay on the couch for weeks on end because I'd be "too sick" to exercise, and I'd be stuffing my face with comfort foods because I felt sorry for myself.  Not this time though! I'm hoping to run another 5k in a few weeks or so when my lungs are back to normal, but I'm going to be careful about my runs this week to make sure my lungs have enough time to heal.

How'd your weekend go?


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