Nov 15, 2012

New day, new attitude

So I obviously had a pity party yesterday, and got frustrated with myself (and my scale) for not losing as much as I’d hoped to this week.  But I got home last night and 2 things happened that made me seriously stop and reflect a bit, so I think they’re worth sharing.  Both of these things are tied to me getting home from work and grabbing the mail (don’t you just love getting fun stuff in the mail!?!)

First, I got my bib/official registration for the Manchester Road Race. 
And it got me thinking.  I’ve been talking about doing this race for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never done anything about it.  I used to think that running a 3.1 mile race was near impossible, and if I could do that without walking that would be a huge accomplishment.  Last weekend I ran my 3rd official 5k in the fastest time I’ve ever run, and a few days before that, I actually ran over 4 miles without walking, for the first time in my life.   Tomorrow, I will set out to run 5 miles for the first time ever, and even though I’m a little scared, I know that I’ve come so far already and I’m so very proud of myself for getting to this point.  The Manchester Road race is just under 5 miles, and I am so excited to be able to run in it this year.  And you know what? I did that.  I made myself get up at 6am every day before race to run the couch to 5k program.  I made myself run in 30 degree weather so I could keep up with my training schedule.  I ran when I wanted to stop.  I ran when I would have rather been in my warm, cozy bed.  I even ran in the rain a few times.  I never in my life thought I’d be able to say it before, but now, I feel like screaming, Damnit, I’m a runner! I may not be the fastest, I may not have the best form, but I don’t care.  I can run.  And I will run.  And I am going to have such an effing awesome time at this race next week that I’m so excited to finally be a part of.

Second, my shipment from Old Navy arrived yesterday (that had my size 12 skinny jeans that I posted about last week).  Well when I placed my online order, I was super close to the $50 mark to get free shipping, so I decided to treat myself to one more item.  I really need new work pants, specifically black pants, because my old ones (size 16) are literally falling off me and I can’t wear them anymore.  I know I tried on the size 12 skinnies and they fit….but they have stretch in them that makes them more forgiving than most pants.  But I refused to buy another 14 knowing that I’m on the cusp of being in a smaller size…. So I took a gamble, and I bought size 12 trouser pants.  Well, I tried them on, and they fit great!
That means I’m “officially” a size 12!! I don’t feel like I’m faking it anymore, it’s real this time, and considering I started the year in a size 18, this is a huge deal for me.  My hips/thighs are the last place I lose weight, so it takes me a really really long time to go down a size.  I’m really proud of this moment, and I realized at that point that I am so much more than a number on a scale.

I’ve been a part of this online weight loss competition that has gotten me obsessing over my scale and why my numbers are not as good as the others in the competition, when I feel like I’m really busting my butt to get the results that I’m getting.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and racing to the finish line is just going to burn me out before I finish.  That’s my M.O., what I’ve done a million times.  Diet hardcore for a month, lose 10 lbs, get sick of it, binge on everything in sight, gain back 20 lbs.  I will not do that this time.  This is a lifestyle, not a diet.  I am not perfect, and I may not lose weight every single week, but I’ve made real, tangible progress here and I can’t ignore that.  I may get frustrated, I may have my moments, but in the end, I’m a smaller, fitter person now than I was at this time last year.  Hell, I’m a smaller fitter person than I was at this time last month!

I took a rest day from exercise today.  I’ve worked out the past 4 weeks in a row without a single day off and I realized that that kind of schedule is just not sustainable, and that my body needs a break every once in a while.  I am in this for the long haul.  I am changing my life, not just on the outside, but on the inside too, and that kind of journey doesn’t happen overnight.

I will Just. Keep. Going.

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