First, I got my bib/official registration for the Manchester Road Race.
And it got me thinking. I’ve been talking about doing this race for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never done anything about it. I used to think that running a 3.1 mile race was near impossible, and if I could do that without walking that would be a huge accomplishment. Last weekend I ran my 3rd official 5k in the fastest time I’ve ever run, and a few days before that, I actually ran over 4 miles without walking, for the first time in my life. Tomorrow, I will set out to run 5 miles for the first time ever, and even though I’m a little scared, I know that I’ve come so far already and I’m so very proud of myself for getting to this point. The Manchester Road race is just under 5 miles, and I am so excited to be able to run in it this year. And you know what? I did that. I made myself get up at 6am every day before race to run the couch to 5k program. I made myself run in 30 degree weather so I could keep up with my training schedule. I ran when I wanted to stop. I ran when I would have rather been in my warm, cozy bed. I even ran in the rain a few times. I never in my life thought I’d be able to say it before, but now, I feel like screaming, Damnit, I’m a runner! I may not be the fastest, I may not have the best form, but I don’t care. I can run. And I will run. And I am going to have such an effing awesome time at this race next week that I’m so excited to finally be a part of.
Second, my shipment from Old Navy arrived yesterday (that had my size 12 skinny jeans that I posted about last week). Well when I placed my online order, I was super close to the $50 mark to get free shipping, so I decided to treat myself to one more item. I really need new work pants, specifically black pants, because my old ones (size 16) are literally falling off me and I can’t wear them anymore. I know I tried on the size 12 skinnies and they fit….but they have stretch in them that makes them more forgiving than most pants. But I refused to buy another 14 knowing that I’m on the cusp of being in a smaller size…. So I took a gamble, and I bought size 12 trouser pants. Well, I tried them on, and they fit great!
That means I’m “officially” a size 12!! I don’t feel like I’m faking it anymore, it’s real this time, and considering I started the year in a size 18, this is a huge deal for me. My hips/thighs are the last place I lose weight, so it takes me a really really long time to go down a size. I’m really proud of this moment, and I realized at that point that I am so much more than a number on a scale.
I’ve been a part of this online weight loss competition that has gotten me obsessing over my scale and why my numbers are not as good as the others in the competition, when I feel like I’m really busting my butt to get the results that I’m getting. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and racing to the finish line is just going to burn me out before I finish. That’s my M.O., what I’ve done a million times. Diet hardcore for a month, lose 10 lbs, get sick of it, binge on everything in sight, gain back 20 lbs. I will not do that this time. This is a lifestyle, not a diet. I am not perfect, and I may not lose weight every single week, but I’ve made real, tangible progress here and I can’t ignore that. I may get frustrated, I may have my moments, but in the end, I’m a smaller, fitter person now than I was at this time last year. Hell, I’m a smaller fitter person than I was at this time last month!
I took a rest day from exercise today. I’ve worked out the past 4 weeks in a row without a single day off and I realized that that kind of schedule is just not sustainable, and that my body needs a break every once in a while. I am in this for the long haul. I am changing my life, not just on the outside, but on the inside too, and that kind of journey doesn’t happen overnight.
I will Just. Keep. Going.